People sleeping in their cars, with the windows open. Thank God it's cooler at night.
People wearing masks. Although they don't give a shit about COVID right now.
Mum pushing a stroller on the most anxious and shitty stroll imaginable. Dad's finishing a cigarette a couple of steps back.
Blank stares towards the horizon, down at a phone. Who fucking cares.
I didn't want to know that they make a portable incubator, but now I know.
I'm not a parent but, if my face reading skills are any good, they are incredibly worried. They are elated walking, holding a barefoot baby, after hearing that it's gonna be okay. In the moment in which I saw them, they are selfless. They would literally offer a limb to get out of the predicament in which the night found them. I don't presume they are always amazing, but tonight, in my eyes, they are heroic and deeply human.
I'm not sure I want to be a parent. I'm not entirely sure why not. I'm pretty sure that I'm insecure and empathetic enough to do it relatively well. I've justified my hesitation as a desire to maintain my lifestyle, even if, to be completely honest, there isn't much to maintain. I'm not using my time and resources to have that a ton of incredible experiences, nor am I afraid to commit to raising a child well. I think I can do it, I don't think I'll fail. But I'm hesitant. Or careful.
THE RIGHTNOW
I've watched a lot of the stuff I usually watch and enjoy, entirely unsurprisingly. Marcella's season 3 is not quite as good as the first two, but I am a sucker for a redemption story. Especially when it comes with a bunch of murder. Marcella is hesitant too, you know. Probably even more than me.
My new media hobby however is watching how comics and other shamed artists have either embarrassed themselves or given hints about their naughty little secrets in their work. Think Louis CK's "guy who always has to pretend-jerk off to completion" bit, or any of a slew of self-pleasuring pieces*; and every single thing Chris D'Elia did in the last season of You, and apparently on Twitter.
*The articles I link to are for the video links. I do not endorse the commentary or mob mentality reporting on either.
While I do enjoy looking back and seeing if I feel the same creepy feeling as I felt the first time I watched these pieces, I do find myself pensive. M., a friend and former collaborator once said that you can't sacrifice aesthetics for ethics. On principle, I'd love to agree, but some things also sour when you get some insight into their creator. Case in point, Lous CK may still be capable of pumping out an amazing hour. There's no reason he shouldn't be; if anything he's had experiences that must fit the Comedy = Tragedy + Time equation marvellously. But I'm not sure it'll be able to speak to me in the same way. As a comedy fan, I can’t but hope that it does.
For the record, I wholeheartedly do not feel the same of Chris D' Elia. He wasn't capable of greatness before and there's no indication he will be. Great joke on airdropping buttholes to strangers phones, dipshit. He's the cause of the creepy feeling I mentioned a paragraph ago.
What I do agree with M. about is freedom of speech. We had a discussion about Spike Lee's apology over some fleeting remarks on Woody Allen. It sucks when someone can't just say a thing. Lee did not defend sexual assault of any degree. To read his statement and glean that he does is a result of either poor contextualisation skills or malice. Yet, in fear of losing an exemplary 35-year career to twitter's angry mob, he retracted. I wonder who his apology made happy. I really do. Sarah Silverman nailed the “comment on your creepy friend” question. Nailed. It.
CALMING EFFECT
Part of surviving the quarantine was to find the things that can help us all settle down, right? I kinda knew mine but I got major reassurance in the dark days. I need to wa(o)nder in the city, without point, with music. And I need to be spending time in the kitchen, fiddling with foodstuffs. These two things are the closest I've gotten to a habit of meditation that sticks. Especially the dishes. Oh, doing the dishes is truly one of my favorite things to do. It sounds silly to admit, but I almost don't want to get a dishwasher in the new kitchen because I'll lose my meditation. I'll try to replace it with cutting and, hopefully eating, more vegetables. AND learning how to sharpen my knives. PLUS, I want to make my own refreshments and never buy fizzy sodas again. See? I need to calm down.
I'M TERRIFIED TO WATCH A MOVIE
The King of Staten Island is out. A cool movie for a number of reasons. It's directed by the fantastic mr Appatow. It came out in a digital-only release, a sign of the COVID times. It stars Pete Davidson, who I'm a little on the fence about but very open to him actually being brilliant. And it features Bill Burr, who is fucking Bill Burr. But it's a touchy subject for me and I still haven't watched it. I don't want to get into it, but I will. Next time.
DOPE GIRL MAGIC
Continuing on the hip hop kick that I've been on for the past few years (which may just be me enjoying the rap arts for the rest of my life), I present to you Boog Brown in all her Dope Girl Magic.
All creds to Amy, my consistent source of great artists I didn't know about. 🤘